Wednesday, February 6, 2008

How many does it take?

Ok this is only a joke and not necessarily theologically accurate but my friend Edwin sent it to me and I thought I would share.

How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. God has predestined when the lights will be on.

How many Arminians?
Only one, but first the bulb must want to be changed.

How many Charismatics?
One - since his or her hands are in the air anyway.

How many Baptists?
CHANGE?? But we have NEVER done it that way before!

How many Pentecostals?
Ten. One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness…

How many TV evangelists?
One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation…

How many Fundamentalists?
ONLY ONE because any more would be compromise and ecumenical… (standards of light would slip.)

How many Charismatics?
None - unless the Lord leads.

How many Dispensationalists?
Two - one to change the bulb and one to keep the promises to the old bulb.

How many Promise Keepers?
None - unless Coach McCartney says it's manly to do so.

How many Calvinists?
Every Calvinist knows only God can change a light bulb.

How many Arminians?
Since the bulb has free will - it must make the decision.

How many Episcopalians?
None, they assume darkness is the nature of the bulb and it would be
Harmful and disrespectful to violate the personality of the bulb.

How many Quakers?
Someone will, but there is no one officially called to be a bulb changer.

How many Charismatics?
None - unless the Spirit witnesses to their spirit that it should be done.

How many Baptists?
Two, one to change the bulb, the other to preach on tithing in order to pay for the new bulb.

How many Premillennialists?
While knowing where the light bulbs are, they are persuaded to wait for
The official light bulb changer but no one knows when he will arrive.

How many Amillennialists?
Two, one to change the bulb, the other to remind others not to fear the
Old darkness or trust the new light–both are only symbolic.

How many Postmillennialists?
One, but now he has to rethink his eschatology….

How Many Liberal Christians?
111 - 27 to reconstruct the dilapidated house that a burnt out bulb
Would be found in, 15 to set up a food and clothes pantry to provide
For those who are both constructing and going to live in the house, 8
Scholars to think of new ways of understanding light, 3 more scholars
To discuss how much we�ve misunderstood the bulb, 32 to love the old
Bulb in the same way Jesus loved bulbs and 26 to love the new bulb the
Same way Jesus loved bulbs. This whole time Fundamentalists will be
Noting the eerie similarities between the numbers 111 and 666 and not
Help the Liberal Christians for fear of working with the

How many Evolutionists?
None - it will change itself - it will just take billions and billions of years.

How many Lutherans?
17 - 5 to form a committee to find and nominate 9 people to a committee
Which shall then discuss the issues of light bulb changing, from which
That committee shall appoint three other people to carry out the final
Resolution of the second committee - which is that one person shall
Supervise while one changes the bulb and one will follow up in one
month's time to investigate the performance of the bulb.

How many Mormons?
1- but they must compete to change the light bulb in order to receive its light and then they become a light bulb God

How many Seventh Day Adventists?
Just one - as long as it isn't Saturday.

How many Atheists?
1 - but they are still in darkness.